Sunday, December 11, 2005

Some thoughts..

The time has come for me to leave this fine city of Buenos. I leave Wednesday for Cape Town, South Africa for a 4-month side trip that will take me to the New Beginnings - 500 didj players, 5000 djembe drummers, 500 fire dancers.

From there, I'm heading to see the pyramids in Egypt and maybe make my way to Prague.. Then back home in May for Darrin's wedding..

There's so much to write about, but I'm at a loss for words. I've met some amazing people on my travels. It's such a small world though, I was talking to someone yesterday who happened to grow up in Kfar Vradim and is best friends with my good friend Alon from Israel.

I met Jon, the backpacker who's traveled to 40 countries in the past 8 years. I had actually met him before while traveling in India...

I met Silvana, a shining star from Peru, who was terribly unhappy in her life before starting her journey. She decided to quit her two jobs and leave her family and friends to head to Uruguay for the Rainbow gathering. I just got this email from her..

"Hello beautifull brother!!

It´s beautifull to have news from you again, the gathering is finished , but
the rainbow in my live continue, and this is only the beginning!!

I´m so happy that there are no words to explain it!!"

And then there are the faces and personalities that seem to intertwine.. "Have I met you before?" .. "You look familiar..."

I met Natasha from Jersey & BA, Mabel from BA, Shooooki from Israel, Caroline from Zambia.. Emanuel from Venezuela.. all the amazing people at the Urbano hostel in Buenos... Eddy from NY.. And so many more diverse people that I have learned from and shared with...

I suppose I'm not usually a very expressive person.. Even when writing this blog, or talking to my family and friends..So I'm going to share with you what I've been thinking a lot about. Not just recently, but for many years. I'm not sure why sharing these things is so hard for me, or why we live in a society when someone starts to talk about spirituality or, of understand the moment, people seem to think they are a hippie or taking some kind of drugs. But, maybe each of us has these thoughts at one time or another..

I spend a lot of time thinking and reading, writing, drawing. Even though my apartment in Buenos has a tv, I put it in the closet - and let me tell you, that's one of the best decisions I've ever made- I highly recommend you do the same.. I was told by Jon the backpacker that there is a phrase in the bible- the devil will be attached to each of our homes.. Just take a look at the rooftops of houses and see the satellites which beam this bullshit into our heads all day long.

Where is the truth in all of this? I'm reading a book now called the Awakening of Intelligence by J. Krishnamurti - one of the most insightful books I've ever read. It's really changing my perception on how I view the world around me...

"It would be rather interesting and worth while if we could share together a mind that is not tortured, that is fundamentally free, that has no barriers, that sees things as they are, that sees that an interval of time separates man from nature and from other human beings, that sees the meaning of dreadful, frightening time and space, that knows what is really the quality of love. If we could share this--not intellectually, not in a most cunning, elaborate, philosophical, metaphysical way, but actually partake of it, if we could do that I think all our problems would end. But this sharing is not with another, one must have it first. Then when you have it in abundance. And when there is this abundance the one and the many are the same, like a tree that is full of leaves of which one leaf is perfect and is part of the whole tree."

I guess many of you reading this are dismissing the words, or remarking one thing or another, "Josh is living in a dream world." But it's becoming more obvious to me that there is something in this world besides what we are led to believe. I believe humanity is undergoing a time of great darkness right now. I'm not sure if you are able to see it, but I believe we are moving further away from the truth of reality, of this moment..

In my diary I write.. "In my most awake and aware moments, I consider the grandness of life. I see the mystic in the air and I think to pursue the greatness before me. And I follow it in this moment -- this is the secret. You don't 'follow' a path somewhere in a country or in the future, or with planning. To follow this path, you focus all your will power on existing in the present. In each moment, focus is required. When the mind is not focused, it forgets. In pouring tea, washing dishes.. identify the present moment. No thinking required. In fact, when you are thinking you are not living in the present. When working, be aware of yourself, your ego- your interaction - watch how your ego behaves in situations and in realities - develop an understanding by poking and prodding.. exploring new things, changing, in this moment - always changing by simply pushing yourself - your ego - your mind - your body - into the direction of truth, of what you hold highest. For this is how you begin to understand. This is the path.. no country or future needed."

..."How to stop worrying and start living"...

I have always overthought things. Maybe for the people who know me, they might remark something about me being a chess player.. but this is a different type of thinking that I'm sure we all share to varying degrees. We think about some past memory.. some conversation we had, or what we should have said, or where we are going to be in the future, or is my girlfriend being faithful to me.. We cloud our mind with irrational thoughts and desire.. and for me, taking a step back and being able to observe these thoughts has really helped me to overcome them - to identify them - and be aware that they exist as a part of my ego.

My diary has interesting passages; here is one from December 6th.. "What a terrific day. I met Helena today, we went to see some parks and saw a clown in a thong doing flips on a trapeze."

.."People sprint to success as if it was a marathon, sprinting for god’s sakes! At the top of their lungs! Yelling as if they were under a boiling fire! These people desire and desire more.. more success..more money.. they never remove themselves from the fire, only increase the speed at which they are running at the bottom of the burning pot."

.."I sleep quietly,
I wish, something changes,
but it won't,
Until I do.
And the morning comes again.."

.."Life is a privilege!"..

.."When I'm on my deathbed. I want to give two thumbs up and exclaim "What a life!"..

Jon the backpacker said these words.. "We are Infinite and Timeless beings, ever growing, spiraling upwards.. Truth is Simplicity is Love."